Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
