I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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