my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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