you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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