you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
