Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
