I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
