I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
