i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
