my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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