She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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