90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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