38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
