he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
as a side note pls kill me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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