Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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