i need an iv and a liver transplant
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
