Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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