My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
