She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
