Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
