Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
