He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
