My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize