you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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