the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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