Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize