Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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