I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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