no, he came in my armpit
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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