Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am one with the molecules
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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