I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one might say we're banned from that church
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
