So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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