In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
