Sponge bath it is.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
