Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
3pm strippers are depressing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
