I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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