My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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