Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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