I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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