Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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