Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
