Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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