get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
