i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
