Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize