We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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