he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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