1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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