i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
