Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
