I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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