but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize