i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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