Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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