I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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