I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
