mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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