This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
