I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
