we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
