New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
