I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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