Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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