Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
