Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
