laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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