i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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