Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
