if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
