Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
